The Weekly Hash Headlines from Newcastle Hash House Harriers

The Coachman- Whickham
In recognition of the 400th Anniversary of the Bard and a whole host of enjoyable telly as a result
( The Hollow Crown, Cunk on Shakespeare, Upstart Crow etc) this weeks newsletter features an
early Shakespeare 'running' play written before he wrote his more famous plays, however the running plays
didn't really catch on as a genre.
You may recognise yourselves here....
The Coachman of Whickham ( the joke being there is no coachman and like all Shakespearean comedy requires
a lengthy explanation of each joke)
Knickerless                           The Hare
Inncon’s                                  } Runners
BM                                          } Widdlers Three

Julia                                         } Gentlewomen attending
Let’s Do It                               Walking hare
Malteaser                                 } Walkers
Heavy Water
Slippery When Wet
Act 1 (Scene 1)
A scene outside a low tavern in the region of Northumbria, 
Knickerless   Welcome all, to this fair Whickham land, and especial welcome to our newest followers
                        who hath through some special report heard’st of our arrival here this night.
                        Be sure to attend closely and we will give you safe instructions of the trail.
(Chiming bells)
                         Friends, hashers, countryman lend me your ears, now the bell has strucketh the seventh
                         hour, I am forsworn to offer you some gentle running into yonder fields, oneth oneth
All                     Oneth, Oneth
Act 2 (Scene 1)
Enter running gentlefolk attired in hose and  linens, entering stage left and stage right. 
Gandalf appears centre left
Gandalf          Hail thou jolly fellows, it appeareth some bollards have sprung from the ground and so
                       I have park’ed my horse hither.
More running into wooded areas 
Pimp     Once more unto the breach dear friends, surely it is nobler in the mind to suffer the    
              creeping vines and brambles of  outrageous fortune than by opposing get cut to  
MP         What ho, me thinks I see a frontus running bastardas check. 
Pop         Aye, halt upon the chalk and spend a while gazing amongst this scepted isle, this
                earth of majesty, this seat of Mars, this other Eden.
Inncon’s  But what is this, mine eye is much amazed, for is this not the ancient Morley mark
                 foretold to us ?
LHJ         Indeed now must you follow fair instruction, returneth to the hare before he comes
BM          Help ho, I have become stuck up this tree
Pimp       Let us leave him to his folly, if those that pass themselves off  as lateth in the twentieth year 
                become ensared in trees then that is thine own lookout and should be roundly mocked by all
Cue much mocking
Then more running, until a stile appears
GH          For heaven’s sake let us sit upon the ground and tell sad stories, arranging
                Ourselves as if for a portrait  of our evenings work, which can then be presented in  
                some form to the rest of the kingdom on the morrow.
Additional Running follows
Om             I'm am me much fatigued of late, having run up hills and over yonder gate.
                   Where to rest ? o'er holding check                                                          
                   At last, regain my breath and learn my fate.
Knickerless  We have arrived at a place of rest with walkers, refresh yourself my friends with beer
                      And enjoy a bounce on yonder trampoline here
All                Oneth Oneth
Act 3 Scene 1
More running ( a bit slower)
Woof Woof    Out out damm shiggy,
Gandalf          Methinks I see an Inn before mine eye, be that a vision of my o'er heated brain?  
3 Walkers      Hail Runners all, we have already been imbibing the nectar of the gods from this treasure trove and
                       feasting on these delicious slivers of this newly discovered vegetable.
There now the race is run
The circle closeth, the day is done
Retire to drink and merry be
And look forward to the next hash shall we
All exit stage to tumultous applause
Thanks to the hares for a splendid run and beer stop entertainment
Special Stats and Notices
Curtain twitching ( exclusive to Whickham)
Skinny women spotted in Whickham  – 1
Newbies -2
Hashy birthday – 1
Presentations  -1
Red Kite  – 1
Over excited hash hounds -1
Hash flashes – Multiple

Next Weeks Hash

Next Week Hash Location :  The Tap and Spile, Morpeth Next Weeks Hares : Hash Sab
Contact Details :

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