The Weekly Hash Headlines from Newcastle Hash House Harriers
 R*nning Hares – Babe Magnet and InnConts
 Wa*king Hare – Counterfit
 A small but resilient group of hashers made the journey North to the depths of Northumberland. A hilly but magnificent route was promised for both r*nners and wa*kers, and at a little after 11.30 the two packs set off from the convoy of cards parked on the side of the road in Akeld.
Counterfit led the four wa*kers (Malteaser, H30 and Watsawrong) off towards Akeld Hill, while the four r*ners (Touch and Go, Strait Jacket and the two hares BM and IC) started to climb up and out of the valley, and feet were wet within moments. After hurdling stinging nettles and manoeuvring herds of sheep, the pack rounded a corner and the views of the valley opened up. As the wa*kers came into view below us, an injury-wielding Touch and Go dropped back to finish with them, leaving a merry band of three to continue r*nning the remaining 5 miles.
Having had a few (too many) beers the previous evening, Babe Magnet was feeling a little under the weather. Following a further mile of ascent, he abruptly paused to empty the contents of his stomach all over the St Cuthburt’s Way. Feeling immediately better post-vom, the pace increased and the three musketeers trotted Westerly along the pilgrim’s route.
The looming, twin-peaked bosom of Yeavering Bell hung over the pack like a Monday morning, but they overcame her busy challenge and ascended to the summit with minimal moaning from SJ. IC flew up the fell-side with the energy of a border-collie, while the trailing twosome paced along the calf-wrenching footpath. A quick hash flash at the summit was followed but a speedy (no Dormouse) descent through the Heather (no Adam).
The pack made their final climb to the summit of White Law, then descended down over and around Akeld Hill before picking up the On Inn mark and coasting back to the car convoy. BM was admonished for forgetting that he’d seen Ice Queen the night before (too many beers), InnConts was awarded the Hash Cross for Bravery and Keenoness and all the hares were scorned at for the r*n being too flat.
The pack retired to The Tankerville Arms in Wooler for a Sunday Roast and to rest their tired legs. Thanks to everyone who made the effort to come up, it made for a wonderful day.
Hash Stats:
R*nners – 3
Wa*kers – 5
Feet climbed - 1,369
Lambs seen – 643
Lambs consumed – 1
Dolphins – 0
Units of alcohol consumed by BM the night before – too many to count
Huge flour penis markings – 1
   Hash R*n 1356 – Akeld. Nr.Wooler
Next Week:  The Sundial , South Shields                         Hares:  Woofers and Lubri
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