A comedy of heat, hills, hydration… and heroic incompetence.

 

In September 2025, Steve Hyde, professional reader of motorcycle nonsense, spotted a post on the UKGSr about two riders who’d done a circuit of Wales visiting 50 castles. Naturally, instead of thinking “That sounds exhausting”, Steve thought “Yes. Let’s suffer like that.”

During the winter, Mark Sealey barricaded himself indoors with tea, maps, and the sort of determination normally reserved for people who knit their own socks. He emerged months later with a route that looked like it had been designed by someone trying to escape Wales rather than tour it.

 

Four Days; twelve castles per day - 800 miles (200 miles per day); three balmy nights camping in June. Not a problem for the iron butted riders of Wiltshire RoADAR.. - Fifty castles. - What could possibly go wrong?

 

At a presentation following the AGM, Sean_C kindly showed us how all this work could be achieved in minutes by AI; Mark was delighted.

 

The date was set: 25–28 June 2026.- The elite riders of Wiltshire RoADAR Motorcycle Camping Group (WRMCG) have been identified (none of them could make it). - Optimism was high. - Intelligence was… variable.

 

In the days running up to departure the five intrepid heroes agreed to meet at the services near the old Severn Bridge. This gave us every chance of finding the first castle at Chepstow.

Bob_F; Mark_S; Sean_C; Steve_T; Winston_C (C for Castle). Note - Steve_H (the instigator) not present. Claimed to be “busy with work”.

 

Severn View Services – 09:00 - What's the weather doing? It's going to be a warm one. 37 degrees.

 

Every great adventure begins with a bold first step. Ours began with a six‑mile ride to Chepstow Castle.We didn’t even get lost. This was the high point of the day.

With Mark’s local knowledge, we blasted through the Monmouthshire castles like a group of people who actually knew what they were doing.

 

Lunch in Hay-on-Wye - Winston asked for a bucket of water. - He was given iced water instead. We discovered iced coffee — a day time drink that would sustain us spiritually, emotionally, and physically for the next four days.

 

Castle Dolforwyn: The Mistake. - We found the car park.  - We could not see the castle. So naturally, instead of leaving, the group decided to climb a hill in 37°C heat wearing boots and motorcycle trousers. Mark nearly melted. A ten‑minute cool‑down was required. He revived himself by sticking his wrists under a cold tap like a Victorian child recovering from “the vapours”.

 

Flint Castle tickled off at 5pm. Then “Little Bitty Farm” campsite — which was lovely, except for the walk to the pub. One mile.  - Always one mile. - We secured the last pizza before the shack closed. Isotonic beverages were consumed for medical reasons.

Up at 06:30. - Still warm, but not “Mark nearly dies” warm.

 

The morning brought a beautiful coastal ride, breakfast in Conwy, then off to Anglesey for Beaumaris. Everything was going well. Suspiciously well.

 

Beaumaris

 

Snowdonia - Twisty roads, scenic views, and the growing suspicion that the castles were getting further apart.

 

Castell y Bere at 5pm. Then “Cedris Farm” campsite. Another mile‑long walk to the pub. Another isotonic drink.

 

The Mozzie Incident. Back at camp, the team attempted a relaxing cuppa at a picnic table. The mosquitos disagreed. The retreat was swift and absolute.

POWDDERSS Strikes - Winston’s front tyre was flatter than his enthusiasm. The group inspected it with the combined mechanical knowledge of five men who once watched a YouTube video. It was reinflated. It behaved. Crisis averted.

 

The temperature has dropped a little more. Very comfortable. Even a spit of rain.

Aberystwyth - Breakfast in sight of Aberystwyth castle on the seafront. Farewell to Steve_T, who sensibly left to attend a concert instead of continuing this sweaty medieval pilgrimage. And then there were four.

 

Llawhaden castle

 

At Carew Castle Winston received a call: emergency at home. He departed along the M4 like a man fleeing a renaissance fair. And then there were three.

 

Carmarthen Castle ticked off around 6pm and then “Brynhyfryd Campsite” — and yes, another mile to the pub. Dinner at the Cawdor Inn was magnificent.

Llandeilo. Nighty Night.

 

 

 

POWDDERSS strikes again. Bob’s tyre had a nail in it. It was plugged, but the bulge remained — like a small, rubber tumour. Being Sunday, he limped home with frequent checks, like a man escorting a wounded animal. And then there were two!

 

South Wales Castles - Swansea: big city, tiny castle. Carreg Cennen: middle of nowhere, enormous castle. Wales has range.

 

Newport - Navigation was… challenging. - Traffic was… unpleasant. - Morale was… fragile.

Caldicot Castle - Number 50.

 

 

 

Against all odds, sweat, tyres, hills, and iced coffee dependency… We did it.

Fifty castles. - Four days. - Several questionable decisions. = Zero U‑turns at Chepstow.

 

And a lifetime of stories.