The Weekly Hash Headlines from Newcastle Hash House Harriers

Jesmond Cricket Club
Hash 1324
Burns Supper Hash R*n 1324 – Newcastle Cricket Club, Jesmond
Wednesday 27th January 2016
Roving Reporter - Babe Magnet
Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, 
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Race! Who said anything about a race? We ought to give Rabbie Burns a Down Down for competitive r*nning…
T’was a mild evening when the Newcastle Hash House Harriers, the most Northerly hash in the country and geographically the closest to Scotland, met outside the Newcastle Cricket Club. Last minute plans to transportation were flexibility adapted by the designated driver for the night, Woof Woof, and aside from some slight parking issues on arrival, the hash were ready to set off promptly at 7pm.
Heralded by promises of shiggy from the hare, the hash set off towards the Coast Road. At the first possible opportunity, in typical hash fashion, half the pack went the wrong way and had to be called back by an increasingly frustrated hare. Amidst satellite issues, I finally locked on to Garmin ™ (other brands available) and as we regrouped, we descended into the depths of the dene.
We progressed along the swelling Ouseburn river, past Pet’s corner (Woof Woof was there but no sign of Animal, Vet or Sheepish…) and through to the Northern end of the dene. A holding check outside the Freeman Hospital gave the pack chance to catch up, and just as we were about to check it oot (three ways!), someone noticed that LHJ was missing (“Point of Order!”). Worried and concerned, the search party (consisting of Innconts, Rectum and Hash Sab) retraced their steps in search of the missing hasher, only to find him puffing away up the hill. At the holding check he remarked, “Bugger me, I went for a Jimmy and got lost”.
On was called down Freeman Road, and as the Hash followed the vocal trail, Hash Sab and I exchanged eager glances, for we knew we were heading towards Hadricks Mill roundabout, home to three pubs and an almost certain beer stop. Imagine our despair when, upon encountering a holding check, the trail returned to the dene and completely missed out all three pubs. No beer stops and lots of shiggy – I’m booked in with a therapist tomorrow morning.
The trail took us back through the deepest, darkest parts of the dene, although no trail crossings. There was a somewhat distinct lack of flour on the return trail, but the hare explained this was because she encountered a strange man in the woods easier that day. Lubri was unable to confirm his whereabouts or an alibi at the time of said events, and the police investigation in ongoing.
As we returned to the bright lights of Jesmond, the trail meandered through the student-infested streets and passing a Waitrose (but from a distance - #MiddleClassProblems), the On Inn was spotted and the pack trudged muddily back to the function room of the Cricket Club. There we circled inside (although it was still too long for our sociable webmaster Pimp) and misdemeanours, transgressions and disobediences were punished in as Scottish a way as I could manage with Downs Downs; the suspects this week included:
·         LHJ for getting lost after going for a Jimmy Riddle (“See you Jimmy”)
·         Hash Tab for wearing a kilt (“Donald, where’s your trooosers?”)
·         Woof Woof for not giving the appropriate chalk talk to our virgin hasher, Colin
·         Our Virgin Hasher, Colin (Follow Thru made him come by the way)
·         InnConts for roving wildly around Edinburgh with the TNT hash last week (“He’s played the Wild Rover for many a year”)
Rectum led a song that no one seemed to know, to the tune that no one could name – something about a shitty trail. Counterfit addressed the haggis in a surprisingly convincing Scottish accent (video available here for those of you young and hip enough to use facebook - and the delicious accompaniment of neeps, tatties and “gravy” were enjoyed by all. Thank you to the hares for an excellent trail (albeit no beer stops – boooooooo) and compliments to the chefs for some lovely, topical food.
T-Shirts for 5+ r*ns finally awarded – 3 (Slippery When Wet, Touch and Go and Follow Thru)
Haggises (or Haggi – what’s the plural??) consumed – 2 (one veggie, made from carrot intestines)
Tartan worn – surplus to requirements
Personal tartan worn – 1 (LHJ with a Wishart Tartan Tie)
Virgins – 1
Dolphins – 0
New circle songs – 1
Head torch Light Provided – 32,000 lux
Next week – The Millstone, South Gosforth
(one of the three pubs we could have so easily stopped at on the r*n…). Hare is Lubri.

Next Weeks Hash

Next Week Hash Location : The Millstone Next Weeks Hares : Lubri
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