The Weekly Hash Headlines from Newcastle Hash House Harriers
Hash R*n 1350 – The Rockcliff Arms, Whitley Bay
Hares – Pimp and Pimp’s Dad
Roving Shoreline Reporter – Babe Magnet
The Benton-Heaton-East Gosforth Car Pool was depleted this week due to Celtic travellers, family-hosting
and Lindisfarne Mead hangovers still lingering from the weekend, so it was just Pop and I who headed East
for the half term coastal r*n. On arrival at the pub we were greeted by lots of smiley, fluorescent, lycra-clad
keenos that looked more like real r*nners than hashers. In fact, they were real r*nners – we’d be joined by
the illustrious Monkey R*nners of Whitley Bay.
We gathered outside the pub; windswept and shivering, enjoying the weather of June 1st.  The hare gave the
 usual pre-hash instructions to our virgins and returners, and just as we were about to set off, a late-cummer
pulled up just outside the pub (and for once, it wasn’t Misled). Once Dee (virgin) was ready to go, the pack
dispersed and flew off in all directions. It was carnage – we had so many keenos, virgins and weekend hangovers
that no one knew what they were doing.
The pack rounded on Marden Park. Weaving through the trees and bouncing along on the supple woodland floor,
front r*nners got confused and tail r*nners caught up, all in time to circle the Marden Quarry and regroup. A quick
Hash History lesson from Pimp (who claims he doesn’t want to be a teacher anymore but he loves it really) and
we were back off again – the pace significantly increased on our usual 15-min mile average.
For those with all 5 senses, the smell of salty fresh sea air grew stronger and as we turned a corner, we were
greeted by a stormy sea and grey sky. The wind rose and the pack sheltered for a Hash Flash in Cullercoats Bay
as Innconts struggled with technology. The Hare then advised that there was one obvious way back to the pub,
and after a quick check of the trusty compass, the pack trudged on due North.
A quick trip onto the beach (Cullercoats Bay) followed, where LHJ recounted a tale as old as time. He remembered
a time when a hare once laid a trail across Cullercoats Bay in the morning, but by the time they came to r*n it, the
tide had come in and they waded knee deep across the bay. Needless to say the tide was out this time, and we
duly plodded across the heavy sand to re-gather at the other side. A quick loop of South Whitley Bay via Spanish
City and the High Street, a cry of “On Inn” and we were back at the pub. A short wait for the wa*kers to return
from the pub and open the beer boot was subsequently followed by a circle, where we celebrated bidets,
milestones, virgins, returners and admonished competitive r*nning and missed FRB’s.
Thank you to both hares (great stats Pimp’s Dad). Next r*ns are:
·         This Sunday 5th June at Druridge Bay Country Park, Red Row, Morpeth, NE61 5BX @ 11.30AM
·         Next Wednesday 8th June at the The Poacher’s Pocket, Market Lane, Swalwell, NE16 4TJ @ 7PM
Until next time: OnOn,
Hash Stats:
Weather conditions – windy (I nearly got blown off)
Hash Hounds – 1
Dolphins - 0
50 r*ns – 1 (Gandalf)
Marathon r*nners – 1 (Gandalf)
Alnwicky t-shirts on show - 3
69th bidet’s – 1 (LHJ)
Returners – 4 (3x Monkey R*nners and Pommes)
Virgins – 4 (4x Monkey R*nners)
Missed FRBs – 2 (2x Monkey R*nners)
Divine Holding Checks – 3
Pimp’s Dad’s hare/r*n average – 1.4 (7 r*ns/5 hares – a record)
Bidet cakes – moist, light and fluffy


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