Can't read this newsletter? Click here to see it online.  Want to share the knitting love? Forward to a friend

13 April 2010
Stitch and the Wonderful World of Woolly Science
... EXCLUSIVE GLOBAL EVENT: Stitch Yourself for the Science Museum ... Woolly Weird Science  ... 
... Gerty creates a monster ...

 Shiny white-coated science-scented greetings to you

We have a new name. We're now Stitch London. See? That wasn't nearly as painful as you thought, was it? You may now officially dub yourself Stitch Londoners. A proud and woolly race.

We hope this shiny news newsletter finds you well, stocked up on brain food, feeling pleasantly geeky and ready to get your science of to take part in possibly THE most sciencey global stitching project ever as Stitch London join forces with London's Science Museum and offer you the change to Stitch Yourself in the name of science.

S&B London learners: Free knitting lessons will take place twice a month from 6.30 at S&B London meetings. If there are lots of you then you may have to wait. Check for the Learners Lesson icon next to the meeting title.

See our Learn to Knit and FAQ pages.
Please note: All learners should aim to arrive before 8pm.

Science Museum + Your Knitting You're invited to join us in a making a bit of knitting history. Make a Stitched Self and you'll have the honour of your handmade you being displayed in an exclusive event at London's Science Museum this summer.
Your stitching entangled with the wonders of science. Read more.
Wool + Weird Science Some of the net's most nifty science-scented knitting patterns
Gerty + Brain Surgery Gertrude Woolsworthy tells you how to turn your non-knitting workmates into healthy, happy lovers of the knit
Stitching + Marathons = impressive Runner of 17 marathons and with a Guinness World Record for 'The Longest Scarf Knitted Whilst Running a Marathon' Susie Hewer is more than a bit awe inspiring. Over the next month she's running three marathons and attempting the 'Longest Crochet Chain whilst running a marathon' for Alzheimer's Research Trust. Sponsor her here and read more on her blog.
You + Learner = New Knitter Volunteer as a Stitch Sage and teach at a meeting. You get a lovely exclusive Stitch Sage badge too. See here for more info.

Stitch London meetings:
Stitch London meetings will still remain 'stitch and bítch' meetings. Come for the stitchin' and stay for the bitchin'. Nothing's changed there.
For more information on each venue click on 'More info' to go to our Venues page.
Time: From 6pm
Venue: Royal Festival Hall
South Bank Centre
Belvedere Road
London SE1 8XX

Map More info   
MONDAY 19 April
Time: From 6pm
Venue: EV Delicatessen
The Arches
97-99 Isabella Street
London SE1 8DD

Time: From 6pm
Venue: The New Moon
88 Gracechurch Street
London EC3V 0DN

Map More info      
Stitch Yourself for Science by Deadly Knitshade

Welcome to the laboratory, Dr Frankenstitch!
Stitching is a science in itself. It takes method, practice, keen attention and a certain amount of madness to create something that is uniquely you.

In June 2010 Stitch London is teaming up with London's Science Museum to celebrate the relaunch of their Who Am I? gallery. The exhibition looks at identity and how the wonders of science are helping to show us what we're really made of.

Your scientific stitching challenge is simply to Stitch Yourself.
Your Stitching + Creativity = A Stitched Self
We've spent hours in the dank shadows of the Stitch London lab conducting all manner of crafty stitching experiments to produce three 'blank body' patterns. These are the humble beginnings of your handmade 'Stitched Self'.

Here're some we made earlier
We offer three patterns on our website here:
You become Dr Frankenstitch! The idea is that you work your stitching science on your blank body to create a tiny version of you.

You're not limited to our patterns though. Feel free to make your own.

There are only three rules:
  1. Your Stitched Self must be approx. 6 inches/15 cm tall
  2. Your Stitched Self must arrive before the 26th of June 2010
  3. You must include your name and where you are from
Once the blank body is created it is up to you to bring it to life. Use wool, buttons, embroidery, beads, glue, glitter, twigs, wire, bows, pipecleaners, yeti fur, paper, felt, ribbons, safety pins, jam, whatever you can get your crafty mitts on.
 Your stitched self will be installed in the Who Am I? gallery of London's super shiny Science Museum for all the world to see on the 30th of June.

It's your chance to show your stitched self to the world. Tangling science and stitching together in a piece of stitching history.

For the free patterns, more information and an address to send your Stitched Self to please visit our website.

Go forth and Stitch Yourself, people!

 Stitch and yarn + science = excellent by The Purple Purler

We're pretty sure that by now you are totally convinced that science is totally cool...and if you're not, have you not seen The Wonders of the Solar System presented by Prof Brian Cox? *swoons*

So with your (maybe not so) new love of all things science, you're going to want to test out our chemical equation:

yarn + science = excellent

Let Stitch London take you on a whistle-stop tour of all things knitty and science-themed.


There are almost too many biology-themed patterns to mention. But here are our favourites.

Feel morally against dissecting animals? Never fear: you can still learn all about the internal organs of amphibians and mammals using these fantastic patterns: Frog and Lab Rat.

Want to know more about the heart? Why, here's the pattern for you: Heart.

Have ambitions that the fruits of your loins become geneticists? Then you need Baby's First DNA Model.

Just an adult science lover who wants to wear it loud and proud? Chromosome Hat and DNA Tank Top are the ones for you.


Ah chemistry: the one with the explosions, irritants, bad smells and Bunsen burners.

Wear your favourite molecule on any of your knitted items using ChemKnits's Molecule Knitting charts. Personal favourite? Capsaicin (Eh? It's the active component of chilli peppers.)

No chemistry lab would be complete without Earl Lenmeyer the Flask
. Cute, and practical (right?!)


Physics isn't as well represented, but nevertheless I found these.

Need a physics mascot? Make yourself a knitted Albert Einstein.

And if you'd like your little nipper to grow up to be just like Prof Brian Cox, then this will send him/her well on their way:
Out Of This World! Solar system jumper.
So as you can see yarn + science = excellent QED!

Ask Gertrude: The Stitching Superiority Complex
Dear Gerty,

How do I cope with the lady who sits next to me in my temp job? She’s much better paid than me but is a complete ditz and technologically incompetent. She keeps interrupting my Rav time at work with her stoopid questions about how to use the calendar on Outlook and how to print!

Livid Lilly, Germany

My dearest German friend I feel your superior stitching life form pain. What a pity we cannot simply CTRL ALT DELETE people who just don't take the time to see that stitching has far more worth in this world than spreadsheets and meetings involving wall charts and under-par coffee.

Awfully tempted though I am to encourage you to threateningly wave a set of sharpened DPNs in her general direction in the hopes she will see that pointy sticks have other, more worrying, uses I realise that in the world of work this can get a person fired. So we must look for more office-friendly options.

Option one: knit for you. Knit yourself a smile. A giant garter stitch grin that will leave her in no doubt you are totally enthralled by everything she is saying. In the face of her onslaught when your real face is contorting in horror at her numb-skull ways your stitched smile will remain pristine.

May I suggest you observe this set of sinister knitted ski masks to get an idea of just how a stitched smile can be so very effective. 

Option two: knit to amuse her. Knit her a Moebius Cowl (Ravelry pattern). The wonder of the of the Moebius cowl is that it only has one side. The time taken with yarn and needles will be well worth it as you ask her to find the front of her newly knit gift. Peace will descend due to the hours she happily spends following the cowl round and round and round. Bless her.

Option three: knit to replace her. Since she is so very lacking in little grey cells it is possible a knitted brain may do a better job.
1. Stitch up a cerebellum
2. Get yourself a hacksaw, some chloroform and a needle and thread
3. Wait until you're both working late one night and the office empties
4. Distract her momentarily with the old "Isn't that Barbara Jones coming out of the office kitchen with YOUR mug?"
5. Knock her out, perform quick brain replacement surgery
6. Stitch her up
7. Hope for the best as she comes round. Possibly waving a ball of fragrant cashmerino under her nose to cement the understanding and adoration of yarn in her new stitched subconscious

Option four (only to be used if all else fails): the Gerty stare. If all else fails and she is still a constant niggle then you'll need to adopt the Gerty stare. It is not to be trifled with. To train yourself to give forth such a stare you will first need to imbibe several bottle of very cheap gin.
You will then need to spend much of your time quietly outraged by the fact that people insist on asking you complicated technical knitting questions despite the fact you are a ball of yarn and therefore have NO ARMS OR HANDS TO KNIT WITH!

See this question and others that didn’t make the newsletter on Gerty’s blog.
Do you feel like lying on Gerty's sofa of psychiatry? Email her at

Time to turn off the bunsen burners and head out into the fresh air. If you miss us you're welcome to stalk us daily on Twitter and share your stitching stories on our message board. You can find us on Facebook too but no we will not join your mafia gang or accept hugs. You can't make us.
Go stitch yourself, Stitch Londoners
The Stitchettes x


Edited and sewn together with words by Deadly Knitshade
Technical wizardry by The Bluestocking Stitcher
Meeting stuff by The Fibre Flinger
Blank Body patterns by The Bluestocking Stitcher, The Fastener and Deadly Knitshade
Articles by Deadly Knitshade, The Purple Purler and Gertrude Woolsworthy

S&B London promise not to share your email address with anyone, not even if they ask us nicely and offer us sweet, sweet cake or cashmere. S&B London is a non-profit group and is run by one frazzled founder and five volunteers so please be patient if we make mistakes.