The Weekly Hash Headlines from Newcastle Hash House Harriers
Hash R*n 1357 – The Sundial by roving reporter BM
Trail-plotting Hare: Lubri
R*nning Hare: Woof Woof
Wa*king Hare: Counterfit
“80p an hour to park in South Shields – I’ll take my chances in Wickes”…
On arrival at The Sundial, home to the infamous annual post Great North R*n FUCKIT Hash (Finally United Checking Knackered In Tyneside), hashers descended upon the car park next door to the pub. On discovering that they had to pay for parking; lots of moaning, scrambling for change and checking car registration numbers took place. When all cars where sufficiently paid up (remember back to #WickesGate2014…), the R*nning Hare gave the chalk talk to our new member (Cockatool, of Aberdeen Hash ‘fame’).
The pack departed the car park and headed South along the beach, where an impromptu Hash Flash to capture a passing Tall Ship ensued. The trail had been laid the day before, and even though the North East had suffered torrential rain, the trail had held up sufficiently. As we meandered across the top of the cliffs and through a large playing field, Woof Woof was joined by a pack of rouge dogs, much to the disapproval of resident Hash Hound Bella. Balls were thrown and dog slobbered was wiped sneakily on other hasher’s clothes.
The pack then headed inland, passing The Bamburgh pub (no beer stop though) and the finish line for the South Shields Parkrun (keenos!). Front r*nners InnConts and Pub Landlord Nigel were leading the way as usual, and the streets had an air of familiarity about them; perhaps from previous FUCKIT Hashes where memories are a little hazy.
Upon entering South Marine Park on the promise of an impending beer stop, Innconts passed comment on the stone arse just below and newbie Cockatool wasted no time in going for a fondle. The pack descended out of the park and the delightful view of The Marine beamed out upon them. They’d even put a “Rum Forrest Rum” sign up outside for them. They were greeted by the wa*kers (already on their second drink) and some lerkerls watching the Wales vs Portugal match. Cristiano Ronaldo flashed up on the screen, and Innconts asked Babe Magnet “Do you think Ronaldo masturbates to pictures of himself?”. True Story.
The r*nners finished their beers and reluctantly left the pub, heading into North Marine Park. There was some confusion as Woof Woof forgot which way the trail went, but Omm called “On On” from afar and the pack followed. There had been a promise of a chip stop on the way back from the beer stop, but as the pack rounded on Haven Point (lack of) Amusement Park, they were met with bad news as the chip shop was already closed. To make matters worse, the gate had been locked and there appeared no immediate way out. Hungry, lost and full of beer, the trapped pack then scattered around the park. Babe Magnet lost 4p on the slot machines and Nigel had to be restrained from climbing on the Teacups.
The exit gate was finally discovered and the pack made the short journey back to The Sundial. An eventful circle followed, with Down Down’s handed out for:
· Front R*nning Hare (Woof Woof)
· Legally blue-badge parking in the disabled bay furthest away from the pub in a silent protest of impending age and injury (Counterfit)
· Missed FRB (Pop)
· Not knowing Scottish geography (Babe Magnet)
· Newbie NH3’er (Cockatool)
· New Naming – Nigel Saul (The Pub Landlord) a.k.a. Seagull (Sh*t)
Overall feedback: even though we had to pay for parking, there was no chip stop, the beer stop was too warm, there was no real ale in the On Inn and the On Inn had also stopped serving food, it was agreed that, all in all, it was a great hash.
Parking and road tolls paid per car: £5
Beer stops: 1 (yay)
Stone breast fondlings: 1
New circle Down Down Thrones: 1
Dolphins: 0 (will we ever see one again?)
Awkward sex jokes cracked in the pub: 4
Next Wednesday 13th July – The Boathouse, Wylam @ 7pm prompt. Bidet Hare is Counterfit (of course).
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