The Weekly Hash Headlines from Newcastle Hash House Harriers
The Millstone, South Gosforth
Hash R*n 1325 – The Millstone, South Gosforth
Wednesday 3rd February 2016
Hare – Lubri
Roving Reporter – Babe Magnet
A pack of 20 (plus a hash hound) met outside the only pub in South Gosforth that your roving reporter was yet to hash from; now I have the full set (The Victory and The Brandling Villa complete the trio). Wa*kers dispersed under the guidance of Botany, while the r*nners were given no clue as the On-Out – a behaviour that remained consistent throughout the evening.
The first r*nning check was a magnificent sight; an illustrious, spherical marking that stood out more prominently than Grasshopper’s love of tea. Having been advised that there were some falsies and amidst confusion, a fresh-legged bunch of front-r*nners (plus me) dropped in to the dene on what seemed liked the obvious route. After several hundred yards of an increasing lack of flour, diminishing light and decreasing cries of “On Back”, we discovered our mistake and made the trudge back towards Hadrick’s Mill Road.
There was some confusion as we rose up the twisting suburban back streets of Ilford Road. Knickerless, Trip Wire and I followed the trail while the rest of the Short Cutting Ba*tards walked round the corner to the next holding check. As we wound through Ilford Road, we encountered back allies, large detached streets and more back allies (see Figure. 1). This long and winding section clocked up a mean mile. We then touched on the Little Moor ( ;-) ) and meandered into Gosforth. Thus followed a couple of quotes overheard by your Roving Reporter and RA:
* “We are in Gosforth – we can’t shout and cause this ruckus around here, what will people think?” – Misled
* “These are some f***ing big houses round here – far too good for us” – Knickerless
* “mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble” – Lubri (in outdoor voice)
Having lived in East Gosforth for coming on four years (and at one point being a fairly regular and competitive r*nner) I thought I knew the area fairly well; however, this was clearly not the case as I didn’t have a chuffing clue where we were for the next half a mile. Just when I was about to give up and check GoogleMaps, I caught a glimpse of the bright lights of Gosforth High Street up ahead, and with the knowledge that several pubs lay along it, got my second wind.
After a beer stop in The Job Bulman (JD Wetherspoons – Pimp, where does it rank on the Top 200 list?) the pack, re-fuelled with Devil’s Backbone Craft Beer, progressed South along the High Street before turning along The Drive, missing out the Hash Sab/Misled residence on our return. A long, flowing trail led us down-hill towards Hadrick’s Mill’s Double-Roundabouts, where certain hashers who shall not be named (not Voldermort) bypassed a Morelay for first dibs on the beer.
The wa*kers were just about to pack up and go inside on my arrival, but luckily I was joined by a reinforcement of thirsty hashers shortly after. Counterfit stood in as GM in the absence of Pop and Mary Poppins, and introduced us to Hash “13somethingsomething” before handing over to the legend himself, Babe Magnet. The Hares were thanked in a tone deaf parody hymn, and admonishments were handed out in liquid form for losing house keys last week (Speedy), getting beaten up by a man in his 80’s before the hash (Counterfit) and booking the hotel that featured in a recent episode of Vera (I’m still not too sure about this one, but it was a charge from Counterfit).
The next two r*ns were announced (Sunday at The Newton Grange Hotel in Durham and Wednesday from The Lonsdale in West Jesmond) and we all retired inside for tea and biscuits.
Distance clocked by Garmin ™ watch (other brands available): 4.91 miles
Hashers: 20 (plus one Hash Hound)
Returners: 1 – Let’s Do It – welcome back
Beer stops: 1 (yaaaaaaaay)
Free beer stops for the wa*kers: 1 (CF’s sister’s house)
New circle songs: 1
Shiggy: 0 (makes a change)
Unnecessary soft drinks (cappuccino) ordered before realising that you’re no longer on parent driving duty: 1 – Misled
Dolphins: 0 (still)
Perfectly formed running checks: O (see what I did there…)
Until next time, OnOn.
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