“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
In April 2011, I was seven and half months pregnant and was just told by my doctor that I had H1N1 to go along with my high blood pressure and gestational diabetes. I was quickly put in a room that was practically closed in by a plastic bubble. Doctors, nurses, and visitors had to wear masks and gloves when they came in to touch or visit me. Though, I recovered from Swine Flu in a matter of 48 hours, in the following two weeks, I was in and out of the hospital because my baby had been under stress. Before the doctor could schedule a C-section, my daughter’s heart stopped beating. She induced my labor and that took two days, so for two whole days while I was in labor, I had to mentally prepare myself to deliver a child that was no longer alive. Talk about a mental trip.
I prayed for Peace, I asked God why, and I was heartbroken. My friends and family came in the room and while my father flipped out on anyone that came into his direct path out of hurt and uncontrollable anger, I felt myself on my deathbed. I could feel it. The infection had crossed the threshold of my bloodstream and I was fading. I could hear everyone praying for me. It was like I was there, but I wasn’t there. I was on the verge of giving up. My best friend told me to imagine my children, Cameron and Ciera, because they needed me. I held on and struggled through it.
While at home, I ordered my mother and best friend to do away with anything that was reminiscent of my baby. All the gifts I had received to prepare to bring her home, they had to put into storage. I just couldn’t spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, or physically deal at that time. The only thing I could do was to write. While I tried to cope, I managed to conclude my novel Guilty Pleasures while in bed. I am grateful for God, for friends, and for family whom love me. They told me it was okay to cry and I did a lot of that. They got me out of the house and kept me busy during the day, but at night, my pillow was saturated with tears. Londyn Lashaye Bosley is my angel in heaven and I use her as one of my inspirations to find some ambition.
I said all of that to say this, it takes a resilient person to endure that type of grief, sorrow, anguish, and agony to remain healthy mentally. It’s been over a year now and I didn’t give up. I can’t complain because I am truly living my dream of being a published author. I’m so overjoyed to be Peace in the Storms’ newest author. Elissa has been one of those guiding forces ever since I started working with her on The Heat of the Night and Pillow Talk Duets. I’m completely ready for this new journey and I know that I can stay true to my craft without trying to sell myself short just to sell books. That pain I lived through brought out something in me that I didn’t know was there, strength, courage, and wisdom. I can tell the difference in my writing.
Whether I truly comprehend and appreciate the purpose of it all, I realize that there is another plan for me, a profound plan that I can’t begin to fathom.
This Christmas, I am going to enjoy my children. My daughter, Ciera, will be nine years old on the seventh of December and she wants a grand party. She’s a good girl, so she gets what she wants. Happy Holidays to everyone.