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Welcome to the Irish Culture & Customs newsletter which is published every week and sent out to going on 2700 readers all over the world. You are receiving this newsletter because you signed up for it - God Bless you! If you'd like to read past issues, they are archived at: http://www.yourmailinglistprovider.com/pubarchive.php?Herself
If, for any reason, you wish to unsubscribe, instructions are at the end - but we do hope you'll stay with us.
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Greetings and blessings to all,
It's lovely to be back and we hope this edition finds you in good health, good spirits and good company. The warmest of welcomes to everyone and a special hello to our new subscribers. many thanks for joining us and if you like your first issue, please feel free to share with family and friends.
Has it really been a week since we wrote? The time goes by so fast anymore. We hope all the mother's out there had as nice a Mother's Day as Bridget did. She was tickled to find out and now share with you what the job of motherhood is worth in terms of an annual salary. According to a recent survey, the average mother works around 100 hours a week as chef, chauffeur, housekeeper and more. Just for these jobs, she's worth $130.000 a year!
Did you watch the Derby? Bridget's pick came in last! Oh well. It's not like we lost any money betting on it. We follow the same ritual every year and turn on the TV right before they sing My Old Kentucky Home. It never fails to bring a lump to our throats.
Weatherwise, we've gone from the deep freeze to a sultry simmer - the steamy harbinger of what's to come. Russ said if we can only convince God to give us something in the middle. And we could sure use the rain. But that's the Ohio Valley for you. Would love just a little bit of that Irish soft weather.
Enough about us and the weather, on with the update:
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Help us keep your newsletter free - please visit our good friend, Molly's Irish Imports:
For the Grads, Dads or Newlyweds, a gleaming 24K gold plated shamrock. Each leaf holds a special wish:
One leaf is for FAITH,
And one is for HOPE,
And one is for LOVE, you know;
And God put another in for LUCK:
If you search, you'll find where they grow.
This is a gift that will always be cherished. It can be used as a paperweight or wall hanging and comes with mounting hook and nail. Just one of many wonderful new gifts you'll find atMolly's Irish Imports.
http://www.irishmollys.com
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News from Ireland:
General: The National Concert Hall has unveiled a plan for a new 2,000-seat auditorium in a development that could cost more than 100 million.
Antrim: Neighbourhood business shuts up shop
Knight's Records, one of Ireland's oldest independent record stores has closed its doors. Celebrities such as Bono, Van Morrison and James Galway visited the store during its 38 years and it was also a magnet for jazz enthusiasts.
Clare: Sisters of Mercy community honoured
The great work of the Kilrush Sisters of Mercy community is to be honoured in a Mass of thanksgiving in St Senan's Parish Church next week. The Sisters of Mercy first arrived in Kilrush in May 1854 when three Jesuit priests, Frs Haley, O'Dwyer and Fortescue held the first mission in the parish.
Cork: Sonia O'Sullivan and Roy Keane to be given the Freedom of Cork
The two Athletes are to be granted the honour in a ceremony expected to take place this summer. The tradition of awarding the Freedom of the City dates back to the 14th century, and was given to Dean Swift and Captain Richard Roberts, who navigated the first steamship to cross the Atlantic, the Sirius, in 1838. (thank heaven it wasn't called the 'Frivolous' - Russ)
Derry: Ships to converge on Derry for war memorial
Preparations for a 60th anniversary celebration of the end of World War II are underway in Derry this week. Celebrations are set to begin this weekend, with a number of naval ships, schooners, sail boats and replica Currachs lining the docks.
Down: Reunion for scouts from 50 years ago
Former scouts who attended a world jamboree in Canada 50 years ago are being sought for a reunion in Co Down. Thirty leading scouts from Northern Ireland joined 11,000 others from across the world at the event in Niagara, Canada, in August 1955. A reunion dinner will be held on Wednesday, May 18, at Banbridge Golf Club, but organisers have been unable to trace all those who went to Canada. If you were one of these outstanding young men, or you know one, please contact Mr. Bert Wilson, organizer of the event on 028 4062 3784.
Dublin: Native peppers soon to be on grocery store shelves
Home-grown peppers are soon to be readily available following the opening of a pepper-growing plant in Dublin this week. The plant is expected to produce up to 1500 tons of peppers per year.
Dublin: Colin Farrell is enjoying a few days of a break from filming Miami Vice back home with his family. But Colin being Colin, he had a few too many pints and managed to get himself and his crew chucked out of the posh Four Seasons hotel in Ballsbridge.
Kildare: Short Story and Poetry awards presented in Athy
The Cecil Day Lewis Short Story and Poetry Awards were presented at Athy's Heritage Centre last week. Now in its ninth year, the literary competition is organised by Kildare County Council Arts Service along with Athy Town Council.
Longford: Annual fishing festival a great success
The North Longford Anglers were blessed with ideal weather for their two-day fishing festival held on the Loch Gowna lakes this past weekend. In total, the crews of 48 boats who participated caught more than 140 pike over the two days. While all who attended made a great effort, special attention goes to Willie Simpson who landed the heaviest pike of the weekend, weighing in at 18 lbs. 12 ozs, while the overall winner was Brendan Sharkey with a catch of just over 49 lbs.
Mayo: Luxury marina planned for top tourist town
A plan has been drawn up for a Euro5m state-of-the-art marina at Westport Quay in Co Mayo.The proposal will include a 46-berth marina, the development of a lagoon for water sports and on-shore facilities including a marine village.
Sligo: Lissadell opens to public early
Restoration of Lissadell, the ancestral home of Countess Markievicz is soon to be completed for Euro5 million, Euro25 million less than was initially predicted by Government advisors. The new owners, Eddie Walsh and his wife Constance Cassidy, acquired the property 18 months ago and have overseen the extensive renovations.
Tyrone: Ploughing competition takes place under sunny skies
The annual Tyrone and Fermanangh ploughing competition took place at the Bridge Inn, Trillick this past weekend. Weather conditions were superb as more than 11 societies representing a total of eight counties and 30 competitors took part in the event.
Waterford: Children's Festival draws thousands to Waterford
The fifth annual Hullabaloo Children's festival was held in Waterford over the past weekend, drawing thousands to the event. A trolley and go-kart race, big band entertainment, a talent and puppet show as well as workshops on dance, and arts and crafts kept youngsters busy throughout the weekend-long festival.
Waterford: Plant to Close
It was a devastating day in Dungarvon this past week when workers at the Waterford Crystal plant learned it is to close with the loss of 400 jobs. Waterford crystal is so synonymous with Irish heritage and culture, we'll be following up on the impact of the announcement last Wednesday that the company will cut 1,800 jobs and a third of its Irish work force.
Wicklow: National Park to undergo major development
The 17,000-hectare Wicklow Mountains National Park will undergo a 5-year long management and development overhaul, it was announced this week. The first plan of its kind amongst the Republic's six national parks, it is hoped to act as a blueprint for further conservation initiatives and the development of sustainable facilities for visitors.
News from all over:
Atlanta: On April 30, 18 young Irish interns, ages 18-28, arrived for an eight week stay. They will work for a variety of companies in Atlanta and will be hosted by local families. While many companies and organizations have stepped up to help out, there are still opportunities to assist this ongoing effort. If you, or your organization, would like to help in some way please call Ms. Yvonne Thomas at 404-320-0166 or Ashley Mastin at 404-832-5560 x 15
Links of the week - and Blogs, too!
It's all relative - our nephew Ian's web site
What started out as fun with computer games and gadgets has turned into an on-going serial of mini movies that, much to Ian's surprise, has developed somewhat of a cult following. It's not Irish, but he is and he would love you to stop by and take a look:
http://www.booies.com
Sligo Heritage
Joe Mc Gowan is the host of this relatively new and evolving site. In his own words:" Having lived the life of an emigrant for many years I now, once again, live and work in Sligo. My interest in heritage, folklore and history has led to the writing and publishing of several books on the subject. These pages have been created to give the visitor an understanding, not just of Sligo's history, and heritage, but also a taste of current events." http://www.sligoheritage.com/
The Irish Page
This week, Jack & Vivian have a song by the poet Raifteri. Raifteri's picture was on Ireland's 5 pound note. The song is called Anach Cuan. It is about the tragic tale of people going to a fair in Galway.
http://www.irishpage.com/songs/anachuan.htm
Irish Aires
If you live in the Houston area, no doubt you are familiar with the Irish Aires radio program. If not, click here to learn more about it:
http://irishairescurrentevents.blogspot.com/2005_04_01_irishairescurrentevents_archive.html
The King Laoghaire Band
.As we write this letter, we're listening to Toss the Feathers by aSwedish band called King Laoghaire. They describe themelves as 'Six musicians playing Irish and Scottish music.' We like what we've heard so far, but what we really appreciate is the archive of lyrics to many of our favorite ballads.
http://www.kinglaoghaire.com/site/lyrics/song_606.html
The Human Clock
A brilliant site sent in by Hartson - thank you!
http://www.humanclock.com/?s=1
From Sue Haddad, a great way to start your day:
Click on the link below and then type in your first name.and click ok
http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html
A reminder: The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. t takes just a minute and there's no cost involved:
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
Last but certainly not least - our on-going gift to AG in California and all friends to animals, please click this link today and everyday. It only takes a second to feed an animal. Thanks!
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/cgi-bin/WebObjects/CTDSites.woa
It only takes a second to feed hungry people, too:
http://www.thehungersite.com
Enough of the blather - on with the update...
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Could this be the year you become a millionaire? There Are 42 Shades of Green - All you need are 6 to hit the Irish Millions! It's one of the most trusted lotteries in the world and drawings are held every Wednesday and Saturday. Best of all, you don't have to live in Ireland to play, winnings are tax-free and checks are mailed within 48 hours. Do you have the luck of the Irish? Play the Irish lottery and find out! If you want to win it, you've got to be in it, so visit their totally revamped web site! Please click here for full details:
http://www.irishlotto.net
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IN THIS ISSUE:
Quips, quotes, proverbs & toasts
A bit of the wit
Joke of The Week
Did You Know
Writer's Quiz
Riddle
The Week That Was
The Week Ahead
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QUIPS, QUOTES, AND ANECDOTES, PROVERBS & TOASTS, TOO
"We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English."
Winston Churchill
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A BIT OF THE WIT
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often, but I'm well preserved.
Rose Kennedy
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OUR FAVORITE JOKE OF THE WEEK
This is a classic that keeps making the rounds - but it's appropriate for around Mother's Day and if you haven't heard it before, we hope you think it's as funny as we do.
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."The second said," I sent her a BMW with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. Youknow how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in an Irish monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: " "Seamus," she wrote the first son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Sean," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the BMW. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donal," she wrote to her third son, "You were the
only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious."
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Help keep our newsletter coming - please visit our good friends at Lollysmith:
Spring in Ireland is milder than in many European countries and is an excellent time to visit. The days are getting longer and the temperature is on average between 5 and 15 degrees Celsius (41 - 59 Fahrenheit). May can often be the warmest month of the year, signalling the beginning of the summer. However, if you can't get to Ireland this spring, we can bring a little Ireland to you. At Lollysmith, you will find a wide range of gifts imported directly from Ireland, including Jewelry, Shamrock Seed, Connemara Marble, Tin Whistles, rish Bodhráns, and much more. So please stop by when you get the chance and see what we've found. And while you are here, visit our Whistle page and enter Lolly's latest tin whistle contest:
http://store.yahoo.com/cgi-bin/clink?lollysmith+wSpfhS+index.html
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DID YOU KNOW
1. The lyrics to My Wild Irish Rose were written by written by Chauncey Olcott of Buffalo NY? He also collaborated with George Graf Jr. on the lyrics to When Irish Eyes are Smiling.
2. In ancient Ireland, when immersing a babe at baptism ,the right arm was always left out so that it would remain pagan for good fighting?
3. The largest simultaneous Riverdance consisted of 1,032 people dancing along the banks of the canal in Vicarstown, Co Laois, on April 30, 2000.?
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IRISH WRITERS AND BOOKS QUIZ
To start off, the answers to last week's quiz:
1. Land of My Cradle Days - by Martin Morrissey
2. Motherland: Writings by Irish-American Women about Mothers and Daughters - by Caledonia Kearns
3. I'll know It When I See It - by Alice Carey
A round of pints and applause for our growing list of literary sleuths:
Déirdre McKiernan Hetzler
"Glorious Ireland in May" May 25 - June 8, 2005
http://www.tours2ireland.com
or
http://www.irishbook.com/tours.htm
Hartson Dowd
A favorite website , to spend quality time at is
http://www.skywriting.net/
Marjorie Cunningham
Ireland's Frank McNamara has been chosen to be the Music Director of an exciting series of symphonic orchestra concerts entitled "Orchestrated" involving major artists, including LeAnn Rimes, Seal and Jewel, among others. Most of the concerts will be televised. The first show is with LeAnn in Boston, MA on 5/23/05 with the Boston Pops!
http://www.frankmcnamara.com
Patricia Edwards
For those of you wishing to visit the Myths & Legends sites in England &
Ireland, this is a good site to visit:
http://www.uktravelbureau.com/mythmagic.cfm
Elizabeth Mays
Catherine White
I have a new favorite website other than yours, of course. It is IrishAbroad.
http://www.irishabroad.com
Helen Dowd
If you would like to read about my just published book, "If You Only Knew", please visit
http://www.publishamerica.com/shopping/shopdisplayproducts.asp?catalogid=8418
Beverley Mooren
I don't have a website and my favorite Irish website is
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com
Go raibth maith agat, Beverly!
Want to see your name on next week's list? Send us the names of the authors who wrote the following:
1. Never Throw Stones at Your Mother: Irish Insults and Curses
2. My Mother Wore A Yellow Dress
3. Mother Ireland
Send us the correct answers to two out of three and the rewards are:
1. If you have a web site, send us your URL plus a short description and we'll publish it in the next newsletter. If you don't have a web site, please nominate a favorite - preferably Irish. Also, please remember that we list our sleuths in the order of entries received.
2. Receive a correct entry into the current "So You Think You're Irish" trivia contest. (In fairness to those of you who go to the trouble of actually finding the answers to the trivia contest, you'll get a bonus entry!)
NOTE: It would be very helpful if you would send your entries to: bhaggerty@irishcultureandcustoms.com
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THIS WEEK'S RIDDLE:
To begin with, the answer to last week's think throttler (which didn't throttle at least a half dozen brilliant solvers!):
I It's always 1 to 6,
it's always 15 to 20,
it's always 5,
but it's never 21,
unless it's flying.
Q: What is this?
A: A die
Hats off to Kate in Oregon who was first in with the answer. And now for this week's pesky pate puzzle which was sent in by Jim from North Carolina:
Q: What number comes next in this sequence: 1, 4, 3, 11, 15. 13 ?
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THE WEEK THAT WAS:
1. Article: Mothering Sunday in Ireland http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/ACalend/MothersDay.htm
2.. Article:A Powerful Woman
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/AWomen/PwrfulWoman.html
3. Article The Bright Flames of May
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/ACalend/MayFlames.html
4. Article: Marry in May & Rue The Day
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/ACalend/MarryMay.html
5. Article: May - The Month of Mirth and Merriment
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/ACalend/MayMonth.html
6. Article: Give Me Your Hamd - Music for an Irish Wedding Ceremony
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/Weddings/Weddings2.html
7. Kids' Ireland. The Little Bird
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/1Kids/1Home.html
8. Basic Irish - When Irish Eyes are Smiling - words/phrases related to emotions
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/3Focloir/1Home.html
9. The Irish Kitchen: Rhubarb Nut Crunch
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/2Kitch/1Home.html
10. Circle of Prayer - Our 2nd Novena in this cycle began on May 6 ends on May 14.. For your convenience, Russ has updated the calendar for this cycle.
Please continue to remember the following people in your prayers or meditations: Mickey, Jen, Catherine, Bertha, Stephanie, Ben, Delaney, Mollie's son Casey, Pauline, Hartson, and Graine. We also hope you will offer your spiritual support for our military personnel serving in Iraq, Afghanistan and all over the world. We ask that you especially remember a local young man, Matt Maupin, who was captured ovrer a year ago, Paul and Ashley, the sons of friends and also the three grandsons of Mary Sigrist. We have personally experienced first-hand the power of prayer; we know that God listens and will answer.
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/Blessings/CirclePrayer.html
11. Music Review: Mothers: Songs Celebrating Mothers & Motherhood
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/Libr/zMothersSongs.html
12. May Trivia Contest. Just over a week into it and we've had a slew of entries. Could it be that easy? In any event, you can't win it if you're not in it. All entries must be to us by midnight on May 31 whichever time zone you live in.
Congratulations to the winner of our April contest: Hannah Beck of Connecticut who chose a Roger Cummuskey print as her prize.
http://www.irishcultureandcustoms.com/TriviaContest.html
THE WEEK THAT WILL BE, GOD WILLING
We were going to post Bantry Bay Mussels in May, but we are very disappointed to learn that the festival won't be held this year. We're trying to find out why. So, onwards with whatever we can come up with to keep you visiting often. A new blessing was posted on Sunday, we'll have a new quotation on Wednesday and another recipe on Thursday. It's also time to do a new children's story and new culture corners. As always, every day we try to find cheerful news to start your day and the history for the date is also published - for example. it was on May 9, 1650 that Cromwell's forces were defeated by Black Hugh O'Neill at Clonmel.
So that's about the size of it for another week. If you'll be celebrating a birthday, anniversary or other special event between now and then, we hope it's a joyous occasion. Until next time, if your mother is still with you, always keep the following in mind:
A mother's love's a blessing
No matter where you roam
Keep her while she's living
You'll miss her when she's gone
Love her as in childhood
Though feeble, old and grey
For you'll never miss a mother's love
Till she's buried beneath the clay ( from the song by Thomas P Keenan
or as Bridget's mother (RIP) would say, you won't miss the water until the well runs dry. And isn't that the truth for all of us who miss our dear departed mothers so much.
Slan agus beannacht and , as they say in Ireland, mind yourself.
Bridget & Russ
Get down on your knees and thank God you're still on your feet
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IF A LOT OF PEOPLE GIVE A LITTLE, A LITTLE WILL BECOME A LOT
We're still in dire need of your support, especially since our newsletter host has begun charging us for the service. Help us keep our newsletter and the web site free; please send whatever you can to Bridget or Russ Haggerty. Our snail mail address is 5670 Meryton Place, Cincinnati OH 45224. Of, you can send a donation via PayPal. The Url is:
http://www.paypal.com
and our email address is this one:
bhaggerty@irishcultureandcustoms.com
Many thanks in advance for your kindness.
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EVENTS & CLASSIFIEDS
To avoid duplication, we list only those events not already mentioned in the Irish Heritage Newsletter or on the Wild Geese website. In fact, the Irish Heritage email group and the Wild Geese have joined forces to bring you a massive listing of Irish events all over the world! To subscribe to the list, send your e-mail address to group moderator George Trainor, at george@thewildgeese.com. The group's postings go out every other Friday and Saturday, in five separate e-mails, covering Irish history, myths and legends, news, jokes, Irish (Gaeilge) lessons, recipes, and more. Organizations, please alert them about your upcoming events, e-mail events@thewildgeese.com, fax: 208-978-9998. Deadline: The third Wednesday of the month for the following month's edition. Also visit The Wild Geese at:
http://www.thewildgeese.com/pages/events.html
If you're in Ireland, or lucky enough to be visiting, you can see what's on offer here:
http://www.irishtravelideas.com/
Covington, KY, now through June 26
The Endless Spiral: contemporary Celtic Paintings by Cynthia Matyi
Covington Cathedral Art Gallery, located next to the Cathedral Basilica of the Assumption, 1140 Madison Ave. Show Hours Daily 10am-4pm
For more details, contact the artist: matyi@fuse.net
Puebla Lucia, Fuengirola, Spain, now through June 3 Roger Cummiskey's 2nd exhibition at the Galeria LUCIA; presenting New Art Works, an exhibition of recent paintings by Roger Cummiskey and Bettina Eriksen. Roger is a generous sponsor of our monthly Trivia contests and we invite you to visit his site and learn more about this exhibit and others:
http://www.RogerCummiskey.com
Cincinnati, Ohio - May 13, 14
The New Gate Celtic Theatre Company Presents Dancing at Lughnasa by Brian Friel at the Columbia Performance Center, 3900 Eastern Avenue. This masterpiece by one of Ireland's best contemporary playwrights takes place in 1930's Ballybeg where the Mundy sisters try to cope with little money, a cantankerous Marconi radio, and bad news in an autumn that turns out to be the last they will spend together. For reservations or information, please e-mail new.gate@fuse.net or call 513-305-7958.
Halifax, Nova Scotia - June 2-4
Celtic Feis 2005
Combine Nova Scotia's rich Gaelic ancestry and culture with Halifax's contemporary, urban sensibility and you get the perfect ingredients to create a world-class Celtic celebration. The Halifax Celtic Feis celebrates our rich Irish and Scottish heritage and culture through music, dance, arts, language, and spirit of community. For more information on tickets, programming, events, and schedules please visit
http://www.halifaxcelticfeis.com
Macroom, Co. Cork - July 16th & 17th
First ever Fleadh Cheoil, music festival - Macroom town center. For details, visit:
http://www.all-ireland.com
CLASSIFIEDS
VESTMENTS CABINET FOR SALE
Know of a church in need of a vestments cabinet? Russ has totally restored one he rescued from a Cincinnati church that was being demolished. We've used it over the years to store posters other art work and flat files. (Ad agencies and architectural firms could also put it to similar use). If you're interested in learning more about it and seeing a photo, please send us an email - bhaggerty@irishcultureandcustoms.com
LEAVE 'EM LAUGHING
The following was sent in by several subscribers. You know who you are - many thanks to all of you:
"Why God made moms" answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions.
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats alot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back of her head. 